Tough Love

Braeden: Better to suffer a fool I know than meet with a new one, I suppose.
Person: Hey, man. You’re the one who keeps coming to talk to me.
Braeden: Do not address me in such a manner!
Person: It’s true though. I can only conclude that your hostility is only to mask the huge crush you have on me.
Braeden: You mortals are such fascinating creatures at times.
Person: I knew it! I knew you liked me! The gruff experience is only to hide the fuzzy teddy bear hiding underneath!
Braeden: You are pathetic. Of course you realize this.
Person: Not as pathetic as you are, my Braedey Bear!
Braeden: What do you know of me, sniveling mortal?
Person: I know that you’re locked in a tiny cell and you like to pout about it.
Braeden: Bah! Spare me your supposed knowledge.
Person: You asked. I don’t think you should ask questions if you don’t want to hear the answer.
Braeden: You opinions are worthless.
Person: Well you opinions are stupid.
Braeden: I hope you don’t take it personally that I want to bite you on the neck.
Person: Aww! I want to nibble you too, Pookeypoo!
Braeden: You are the insolent creature who dared call me your bladdery lang.
Person: lol! I called you that? How drunk was I?
Braeden: Such concerns are really quite petty if you think about it. Assuming of course that you have the capacity to think.
Person: If the concern was so beneath you you shouldn’t have brought it up.
Braeden: Anything is possible. Anything! If you understood this truth, you would have nightmares every night.
Person: You mean like that I’m naked at school or something? Because I’m way ahead of you there.
Braeden: Aaaargh! The fit comes upon me! Leave, lest your mortal soul be exposed to the terror of my insanity!