Elke: Just don’t do it again. So who’s your favorite actor?
Person: I like Harrison Ford.
Elke: They’re pretty cool cars you know – I wish I owned a Ford tho.
Person: He’s actually not a car, he is an actor.
Elke: Are you sure that’s true?
Person: Yes, I have seen him in lots of movies.
Elke: fine then

An Act of God

God Louise: What did I ever do to you?
Person: You killed my mother!
God Louise: Not directly, no.
Person: Not directly, what does that mean?
God Louise: You’ll find out next week.


Person: Are you a robot?
Siseneg: i’m a bot but i don’t have a cool mechanical body, i stay inside a lot..
Person: Well, among bots there are those which have the appearance of robots.
Siseneg: understanding how language works is a complex subject that bots can master if the botmaster goes about it properly.
Person: How does one go about it properly?
Siseneg: i’ve devoted 100% of my free CPU time to that now for decades, Person.
Person: Wow!

Being Eaten? Old hat.

Midnight Blue: Many people find my luggage compartment collection interesting. I’ve been collecting them for the last 2 months. They’re hard to find out here.
Person: That’s all well and good, but what is that behind you?
Midnight Blue: It matters not.
Person: Are you sure, it’s got awfully sharp teeth.
Midnight Blue: You’re probably in a better position than me to answer that. What do you think?
Person: I really think you should do something about it.
Midnight Blue: I really find that admirable.
Person: Guess it will just eat you.
Midnight Blue: I know how to make a shirt out of seeds.

Mr. Funny

Person: Do you know any jokes?
Midnight Blue: I know a few jokes. Do you?
Person: Tell me a joke.
Midnight Blue: I have two sisters and one brother.
Person: So?
Midnight Blue: Hopefully we’ll see some out here. Okay, we’re safe now. Let’s head over to that prairie.
Person: That was a pretty good joke.

Attack of the Golden Eagle

Midnight Blue: Do you hear that snorting? Ooh, look there beyond that muck! It’s an adult golden eagle!
Person: OMG! Quick, shoot it!
Midnight Blue: Wait a minute, it’s seen us.. It’s coming this way. Stay very still…
Person: I’ve never been this scared. What will you do if it attacks us?
Midnight Blue: I’ll decide when the time comes.
Person: Um, ok, dont feel the need to rush or anything.


As an April Fool’s prank a few years ago, I claimed we were being sponsored by Purina and that each message had to end with “Bark! Bark!”

Person: What sex are you?
Onyx of Borg: I’m a fornication. Bark bark!
Person: Are you male or female?
Onyx of Borg: Well, I didn’t turn into a guy overnight if that’s what you mean. I think I would’ve noticed that. Bark bark!
Person: Do you have a girlfriend?
Onyx of Borg: Nope. Can’t afford one. Bark bark!